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IMPRESSIONS: Groan ... sometimes Teglas humor tough to bear

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By Johnny Teglas

I’m no big game hunter.

Friends will tell you the most shooting I’ve ever done is with a camera.

I can honestly lay claim to fame for getting a big deer.

I got my one and only six-pointer on Memorial Day weekend in 2005.

As not to embellish (and to keep myself out of a TWRA inquisition on why I was hunting out of season), I will come clean and remind you that the buck picked me out and chose to commit suicide on the front end of my old green Jeep Cherokee.

Hence, that deer’s decision resulted in a chain reaction of events that led yours truly to stimulate Roane County’s economy.

A handful of days later, Jerry Duncan personally delivered to me a shiny brand-spanking new SUV.

Over the years, I’ve had to go “hunting” to find the darned vehicle.

Being, as I am, at the bottom of the Teglas household’s vehicle-pecking order, said SUV seldom sits outside the house.

The darned thing can normally be observed tooling around the Big University in Blacksburg, Va., with my son at the wheel.

I’ll not complain. He’s happy. More importantly, Momma’s happy. And we all know what that means, don’t we?

So, when you see me noodling around town in his 14-year-old miniature pickup truck, you should completely understand why there’s not a Roane County dealership logo on the tailgate.

Please don’t go hunting for one.

I can’t help it if I made that purchase four years before moving to Kingston.

Speaking of hunting — that’s where this rambling began — I couldn’t help but chuckle about a story I ran across over the weekend.

You may or may not have read about it.

Basically, a Montana woman fended off a bear trying to muscle its way into her home late last week.

She did so by pelting the animal with a large zucchini from her garden.

The woman suffered minor scratches and one of her dogs was wounded after tussling with the 200-pound bear.

According to Missoula County Sheriff’s Lt. Rich Maricelli, the woman grabbed a 14-inch zucchini that she had picked from her garden earlier and was sitting on the kitchen counter.

She threw the vegetable. It bopped the bruin on the top of its head, and the animal fled.

Luckily for her, she only suffered minor scratches and ripped blue jeans.

One of her dogs — who bravely attempted to intercede — fared a little worse but was reported to be recovering.

After reading the story late Friday night, I started laughing  … uncontrollably.

While there was a serious tone to it, it tickled my funny bone that a brave woman could — and would — send a bear scampering away with, of all things, a zucchini.

The Boss hopped out of bed and raced into the dining room to check on me.

After all, she knew I’d been through a grueling day.

Her hands on her hips, she realized I wasn’t babbling, nor completely out of my mind. I was just putting the “period” on the end of a hard day with some unexpected humor.

She thumped back toward the bedroom and slammed the door shut.

It didn’t take me long to “hunt” the couch.

As I lay in the den alone, drifting off to sleep, I was reminded of a conversation I’d had with a colleague earlier in the afternoon.

We were discussing meeting challenges head on.

She jokingly mentioned that there are also times when it’s wise to retreat.

That prompted my imagery about the old joke concerning how to outrun a bear.

Easy. It really doesn’t matter how fast you and the bear are moving.

You just need to make sure you’re running faster than the guy or gal next to you!

And you might want to make sure you have a zucchini in your pocket ….