OFF the CUFF: Please please me: live and don’t die

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By Cheryl Duncan, Assistant Editor

I acquired a fine roll of bubble wrap several years ago.

I came into its possession for reasons I can’t recall. There was probably some project I had planned that was delayed until it evaporated from my memory.

But you don’t give up high-quality possessions like bubble wrap merely because its original purpose has been forgotten. You never know when you might want to pack something, mail a fragile item, relieve stress or bring Dr. Seuss’ “Hop On Pop” to life.

Sure enough, the day has come to put this protective wrap to good use.
I’m mailing it, with instructions, to Sir Paul McCartney.

I’m asking The Cute Beatle to then unroll it and liberally wrap himself up in it, leaving places that will enable him to secure protective goggles around his eyes and a gas mask over his nose and mouth.

Then he is to stay inside, preferably in a controlled environment.

And a note to all his loved ones and friends: If you’re sick, you stay away from him. Period. Call or text, but no visiting.

It’s lame. But it’s the only way I can think of to protect my favorite singer, songwriter, pianist and Beatle from prematurely knocking on Heaven’s door.

In the first four months of 2016, we’ve lost so many of our legends and musical talents.

David Bowie. Glenn Frey. Merle Haggard. Joey Feek. Maurice White. Paul Kantner. And, last week, Prince.

The Grim Reaper has even claimed Robert Stigwood, the man behind the Bee Gees, and legendary Beatles producer Sir George Martin.

Can you imagine that magnificent Hallelujah Chorus? The angels’ songs performed with some of the best voices and musical abilities that God created and shared with us for only a little while.

It’s easy to see why He’d want them to supplement and accentuate his Heavenly Choir.

That’s why I worry about Sir Paul. His skill and mastery can only elevate the Highest Ensemble to even higher achievements.

Perhaps Our Lord will take mercy on us mortals by allowing us to continue to enjoy Sir Paul here on Earth a little longer.

I realize He can thwart my feeble attempts at protection. Hopefully, he’ll see my intentions are pure — and I admit, purely selfish — and spare our Beatle.

By the way, does anyone have an extra roll of bubble wrap to send to Ringo?
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Cheryl Duncan is assistant editor of the Roane County News and a Paul McCartney and Beatles fan since the womb. She can be reached at 376-3481, Ext. 230, or cduncan@roanecounty.com.